wheelieterp: Head shot of me: black and white. Shaved head. Black, full goatee. Big toothy smile. (Default)
[personal profile] wheelieterp
I keep posting and taking down responses to the "It Gets Better" thing.

The whole mess has me really upset, and I can't seem to frame an appropriate reaction to it. I find the idea to be riddled in privilege and to me, it feels condescending and trite and it seems, at deeper inspection, to reinforce a status quo that is causing real pain and hardship and even a lot of death.

Then, I look at the videos and they are kinda inspiring to me... But, I'm 40 and mostly successful and safe... And then, I think to myself that maybe I am being jaded and bitter and wrong about this..

Still, I can't help but think we are building a better ramp, when we should just stop building stairs.

Date: 2010-10-01 03:29 pm (UTC)
hugh_mannity: (Default)
From: [personal profile] hugh_mannity
Yep. I know exactly what you mean.

I'm 60 and mostly successful and pretty safe. I seem to manage to pass as a "straight middle-aged white guy" -- which is partly true. But to get here I've made compromises and missed opportunities.

High school is hell for a lot of kids who aren't anywhere on the GLBTQ-alphabet-soup spectrum. You could almost make a case for it being designed that way, to force conformity to the norm. Not just in terms of sexual identity and preference, but also in other social "norms": clothing, music, TV (what? you don't watch TV? What kind of weirdo are you?), intellectual pursuits, religion, sports, etc.

Schools in general take individual kids and bonsai them into model citizens or model criminals. There is no third option.

Date: 2010-10-01 04:09 pm (UTC)
hugh_mannity: (Default)
From: [personal profile] hugh_mannity
There's also a subtext which goes along the lines of "it got better for me, so what kind of loser are you if it hasn't gotten better for you?" Because for a lot of us, even well into adulthood, it *still* hasn't got much better. The bullies might have changed, the insults might be differently-worded, but they're still insults, bullying, verbal and physical abuse.

Dunno if you read [personal profile] sparkindarkness, but he's been posting about how his company treats him as if he were single and able to work mega-overtime, be on-call at weekends and pick his vacation secondary to the times picked by his married straight coworkers. He's a married man too (well civil union being the best the UK offers) but his relationship is not viewed in anything like the same way or given the same respect as his straight coworkers. Now by many accounts he's successful: good job, great relationship, accepting family. Yet every day he's belittled and put upon because he's gay. (I think it's fair to say this, because he's posted about it openly).

If "better" means "at least I can shut my door on it all and be safe at home" then it's not a "better" I'm interested in having.

If that's "better", I'm not sure I want "better".

I'll stop now, before I rant all over your nice clean journal. :D But I'll expand this into a full rant soon.

(edited for typos, because I'm an OCD a CDO kinda guy)
Edited Date: 2010-10-01 04:11 pm (UTC)

Date: 2010-10-01 04:37 pm (UTC)
hugh_mannity: (Default)
From: [personal profile] hugh_mannity
Yes. If you change to survive the circumstances, that's all well and good. But no progress has been made.

Progress comes when we change the circumstancs, so that we don't have to fight to survive them.

We build houses so we don't have to get cold and wet and sunburned and have all our stuff blown about by the breeze. If the roof leaks or the windows don't close, or the heat doesn't work -- we fix the house or move somewhere else. We don't start wearing raincoats and wellie boots to bed in order to stay warm and dry (it might make a great kink for some people, but that's a totally different topic!). We don't adapt ourselves to fit into the faulty house: we fix the house or find another one.

We need to fix this "house".

Date: 2010-10-01 10:29 pm (UTC)
jumpuphigh: Two women's faces with one woman biting the other woman's finger. (Women)
From: [personal profile] jumpuphigh
I haven't watched the vids but please keep posting. It's making me think about these issues.


wheelieterp: Head shot of me: black and white. Shaved head. Black, full goatee. Big toothy smile. (Default)

February 2011


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